Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's leading comedians spent their broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa program, dubbed the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas tune targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins each thing he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the new plan which permits foreign individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for 5 million. A government website pledges approval "in record time."

"A brief message here to affluent immigrants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, with hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval numbers amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.